For My Daughter

I gave her a watch.

The one I had intended to give her - the one I had held onto for years, waiting for this moment - I lost somewhere in the chaos of the last decade. When I realized it was gone, what struck me was not the loss of the object but the loss of the intention behind it. I found a replacement. What I wrote to go with it was something about time belonging entirely to her, to be worn with confidence and without hesitation.

She is, by any honest accounting, entirely her own person. She thinks for herself, stands for herself, and has no particular interest in the version of herself I might have imagined. I respect that more than I can say. It is what I hoped for and what I got, and those two things don't always match.

I missed her graduation in person. Distance and circumstance made that impossible, and I carry that. It is not the first time distance has shaped how we've experienced important moments together, and I understand what that has cost her. What I told her is what I believe: presence is not only physical, and my belief in her has never been diminished by the miles between us.

A brief apology is warranted, and she knows it: the organizational tendencies, the thinking three steps ahead, the planning. Those came from me, and despite years of determined resistance on her part, she never had a chance. I consider it a feature.

There is a Pink Floyd line - from Time, if you're keeping track - that I couldn't help putting in her letter. Don't miss the starting gun. It's good advice for anyone, but I meant it specifically for her, because her moment has come and she is ready for it.

I may have lost the watch I meant to give her, but I don't intend to lose time with her. What matters is what we do with what's ahead.

She does not need me to define her. She never did. That is exactly the point.

Nishan Kohli is Co-Founder and CEO of BIMstream.